FOR THE NEWLY BEREAVED
Our lives rarely proceed exactly as we would have chosen. So much is out of our control, like the cruel illness or accident that took our loved one. We find ourselves in very dark places. Life turns us upside down and inside out, often seemingly without rhyme or reason. The worst does sometimes happen, and lightning sometimes strikes twice or more. We live imperfectly in an imperfect world.
But we live.
Getting through the first year of bereavement is only the beginning, but it’s a start.
When you are first bereaved, you are often bewildered. Here are links to articles that look at some of the common issues of early grief.
Living with loss
In case you’ve been thinking, “I wasn’t expecting grief to be this rough!”, this post might be useful:
The next post reflects on our unique experiences: “Living with life-changing loss is like going through life with a limb missing. The nightmare became reality, and the loss is ever constant. We manage the best we can, but part of us is gone and can never be restored. Life is not as we expected or hoped. Still, we find a way, step by step.”
How you might be feeling
Losing a loved one can be utterly life-shattering. Nothing seems the same anymore because most things are not the same.
“Grief is the price we pay for love.” Sometimes our emotions can be quite intense.
Grief can be utterly exhausting. Here are a few thoughts about why that is and how to cope with tiredness.
Taking care of yourself
To care of ourselves, to take care of our physical needs, to allow ourselves to enjoy something simple or profound, are all necessary if we are going to live with our loss.
Sometimes this means setting aside our grief for a little while, even a few hours.
We might need to take things a moment at a time. It can also help to call on friends and family when we’re struggling.
The climax of the first year is the anniversary of your loved one’s death .Here are some tips for coping with it.
Remembering your loved one
The centre of our grief is of course the person who died. Finding ways to honour their memory is an important part of living with loss and can bring immeasurable comfort.
Missing what was
When they were here
Missing what should have been
If they’d have stayed near.
Missing the smile at the start of the day
Missing the hug when they went away
Missing the voice that said our name
Missing the hand we held in our own
Missing the scent that walked in the room
Missing the laughter that made our heart glow
Missing the one who sat in that chair
Missing the one who is no longer here
This blog is written through the prism of my own experiences, particularly as a bereaved mother, but it also reflects what I am learning as I work with and support others who are grieving. You may have different perspectives, and that’s fine of course, as we each have a unique experience of loss and our own beliefs. But if you do find any of the articles on this website helpful, please comment and share! Thank you!